I am freaking out.

Every now and then I get a dose of reality and realize HOLY SHIT there is no way I'm going to pull this thing together. My bills are out of control. If it weren't for owing money on my taxes, I'd be okay, but that was like $737 that just flew away. That was basically like losing a paycheck. My wireless Internet alone is $80/month, even with the corporate discount that Erik got me, and my small loan for the service only covers $336. Which means that for 8 months of service, I need to cough up another $312, which I hope will fall out of the sky sometime soon but I doubt it. My parents won't help me out with money because they think this idea is stupid and the quicker I run out of money the quicker I'll be back home and ready to settle down. It just mounts and mounts and I don't know how I'm going to make it even one-third of the way on this trip and still pay my bills. A lot of playing my guitar on street corners, I guess.

I get so stressed out when I think about stuff like this that I can't help feeling very stupid and wanting to give up. Or get a sugar-daddy, but that's gross. EEERRRRGGGGHHHH - why can't I just win the lotto? Or just meet a really nice rich person who will help me? But I guess that would be too easy. I don't want to skate through this. I just want to maintain good credit.