What the hell am I doing with my life?

So I had one of those moments last night, those moments that make you think, "Wow! I am a complete LOSER! Why am I even on the planet?!"

There I was, watching a harmless TV commercial for a new sitcom and there, looking gorgeous and perfect as always, was Erin Cahill, my classmate from college. On TV. Famous. Being what we both promised each other we'd be and doing what we swore to each other we would do, except she was actually doing it and I was sitting on the couch, lamenting my day job for EvilCorp, Inc.

It was exactly like the moment from last year, on a Sunday morning, getting ready for work at Red Hot and Blue, wondering how many to-go cups of barbeque sauce I would have to make once I got there, and there was Melissa Rauch's face smiling back at me from her comfy seat on VH1's "Best Week Ever". She and I had Prof. Spring for Acting freshman year at Marymount, and by senior year I was producing comedy shows and helped Melissa get booked at Caroline's. Then I moved out to LA "for pilot season" and ended up a cocktail waitress, and she stayed in New York and look at her now.

Great. Fucking great.

Don't get me wrong, I'm extremely happy for both of them. They were both sweet girls and good friends. But damn... it makes you think.

And, yeah, I know I could feed myself all the lines about "Oh, this is just temporary, this is just until I get back out on the road, then I'll finish my book and get published and then I'll be on Letterman, blah blah blah", but come on the fuck on. Let's be real. An online magazine in Canada doesn't even want my stuff, and they weren't even offering to pay in the first place!

The only things keeping me going right now are music and this little girl I got a fan letter from who said that I am her inspiration. Thank you, 18-year-old girl from Prince Edward Island!


Ugh. I'm just ranting and venting, don't take anything I say seriously. Except the thank-you part.