I can't shake the feeling that I'm letting Julio down. We talked about my last day helping him with the babies the other day. I was trying to upbeat, he started crying. I know he doesn't mean to make me feel guilty for leaving him, but it's so hard to feel alright about embarking on this trip when I know I'm totally leaving him hanging. I feel scared enough worrying about how I'm going to take care of myself, I can only imagine how it must weigh on him to be a landscaper trying to support himself, his bedridden wife, a two-year-old daughter, 3 8-month old babies, and a sixteen year old son. It kills me. It just kills me. It's the hardest part of leaving, harder than leaving my job, harder than leaving Brian. Harder than leaving the babies themselves, even. Leaving Julio is the hardest thing.