The Road Revisited

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Wednesday, September 06, 2006

I Know This Much Is True.

Random smattering of vows I make to myself today:

-- I will not feel obligated to offer explanations all over town to people I barely know. I will not feel guilty for not returning phone calls from people asking me out. I will not feel guilty for saying, "No, thanks, I don't want to dance." I will not feel guilty for not showing up to parties I was invited to. I will not feel guilty for not wanting to go out. But I also won't hide in my bedroom like a recluse.

-- I will tell my true friends how grateful I am that I have them.

-- I will not obsess over hair and clothes like I did when I was 22. But I will occasionally exercise my womanly right to try on four different outfits before picking the right one.

-- I will stop flinching at those invisible touches on my shoulder, because I know it's just my
guardian angel letting me know she's here.

-- I will stop clenching my teeth in my sleep.

-- I will not be made to feel ugly or fat next to the average, run-of-the-mill LA chick. I may not dress in Dolce or wear heels 24/7, but I'm 26 and I wear Doc Maartens and I'm more beautiful than ever, because now I know it on the inside.

-- I will start saying "Thank you" to compliments, instead of shaking my head and deflecting them.

-- I will stop beating myself up for not writing every single day.

-- I will stop beating myself up for a lot of things.

-- I will not turn into Dorothy from the Golden Girls. I will stop saying I will die penniless and childless and alone and fat and surrounded by dirty cats.

-- I will eat more chocolate.

As the first Yoko Ono painting John ever looked at said: "YES."


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